Observations
by emJeanie
Summary: Patrick Jane is free from Red John. Teresa's POV of what happens next. bad summary-I apologise!
1. Chapter 1

Hi everyone

I really didn't like my last story at all, I probably shouldn't of uploaded it. Anyway, moving on…this is another attempt at a multi chapter story. It came to me out of nowhere but I want to attempt to write a story about the aftermath of finding Red John and how Patrick changes for the better. I'd like to think that he gets a happy ending to the Red John journey.

Hope you like it, please let me know, I'd really appreciate it!

Em-J

Disclaimer: I don't own the mentalist

Dedicated to everyone because you're all great

**Observations:**

Teresa's POV

At 2:15pm, we caught Red John. He had a gun and aimed it at Patrick's heart, before smiling and shooting himself.

10 Minutes later:

I think he's in shock. Either that or he's suddenly been turned into a statue.

It's my fault. I should of stayed with him. Rigsby and Cho are perfectly capable of 'taking care' of the deceased criminal. That's what I'm calling him right now. Criminal. We know his name after all these years but he's still Red John.

'Boss?'

Van pelt looks at me with concern' Boss, what happens now?' she asks. Van Pelt, Grace, is just as overwhelmed as Patrick. Truth be told, nobody knows what to say or do right now. He was gone, the serial killer who ruined our consultant's life. He destroyed a lot of lives, not just Patrick's. He had hurt the team. To top it all off, he had worked along side us. He had made no attempt at keeping a low profile. Goading Patrick whenever they crossed paths. Hell, he was known to us as a Red John expert, the press were going to have a field day when they found out. The CBI had a long way to go before this was sorted. He'd been in our sights for so long but we hadn't caught him till now.

But I don't care. No, the only thing I care about right now is sat on the grass, staring at the floor and tracing a circle on the ground with his finger. Gently, I kneel down to his level. I can feel Grace watching my every move.

'Patrick?' I keep my voice calm and quiet, treat him like I would a young child who has witnessed something tragic. 'Patrick look at me'

I remember when Bosco was killed, when I thought Patrick was in shock. I had addressed him as Jane, but this isn't the time for surnames. He is my friend. Friends' don't use surnames in situations like this.

Wayne and Kimball had come back with a paramedic in tow, they must of noticed Patrick's state and ask for someone to look at him. I put my hand up to the paramedic, stopping him in his tracks.

'Patrick I need you to look at me, can you do that?' I ask him.

Slowly, he stops drawing circles and looks up at me, his eyes are full of unshed tears. ' he's gone?' he asks, his voice small and frightened. 'yes he's gone' I assure him ' Red John isn't here anymore Patrick'.

His eyes leave me for a second, landing on the paramedic. He tenses slightly and reaches out to grab my hand. Our fingers intertwine. 'I'm not crazy!' he tells me, the fear in his voice brings tears to me eyes.

'I know Patrick, he just needs to make sure you aren't hurt' I assure him. His eyes are back on the paramedic. ' Patrick look at me' He turns to face me 'it's going to be ok' I add, squeezing his hand. He stares at me with worried blue/green eyes. 'it's going to be ok' he repeated.

Right now this minute, I honestly think he means it

Ok so there's the first chapter. Please let me know what you think and whether I should continue. Thanks for reading!

Em-jeanie


	2. Chapter 2

Hi everyone!

Thanks for all the reviews for the first chapter, they make me so happy! Ok so this is chapter two, I hope it doesn't disappoint.

Disclaimer: see chapter one

Dedications: see chapter one

Chapter two- 3 days later (step one)

Teresa's POV

'Angie…Charlie…this is Teresa…Teresa and the team saved me'

These are the first words Patrick tells them. I stand a little back from him, but he gestures me to come forward to stand next to him. ' Red John isn't here anymore, but I didn't kill him' he reassures them. ' I know I was going to, I kept saying I would but I didn't…'

It's only been three days, but we're all emotionally drained. I know for a fact that Wayne has been spending time with Grace, holding her as she cried. I know that Kimball has spent the last few nights with Summer.

Patrick had spent the last two nights with me, we mostly sat together on my couch and watched mindless TV. The first night, he slept like a baby, curled up on the couch under the blanket he keeps at the CBI. Though the sleeping pills Sophie Miller had suggested may have had something to do with that. Yesterday morning he made me pancakes, before breaking down in my arms. I held him as he screamed 'I'm sorry Teresa, I'm so sorry' over and over until he had no energy left to speak. After a few hours, he cried again, this time apologising to the team. He had already apologised to their faces, earning a bone crushing hug from Grace, but he still had the guilt bottled up inside him. He shouldn't feel guilty.

Patrick had asked me to come with him. ' it's the next step' he told me' I need to do this now, the next step, I can't keep going over it in my head, that's what sent me to Sophie. I need to take the next step'. he kept repeating that 'the next step'

So here we are, standing in the sunshine with a bunch of flowers for Charlotte and Angela.

'I wanted to tell you that I love you both. I will always love you.' he looks over at me and I am given a small, hopeful smile' but to close the Red John chapter of my life, I need to move on. I need to have a fresh start. I remember Sophie telling me that there is life after tragedy, and she is right' He sniffs, eyes brimming with tears that are threatening to fall at any second. 'I'm staying with the CBI. I'm happy there'. My heart swells at this, even though I had heard the exact same sentence on the car journey down here. Patrick kisses his hand and places it Angela's grave before going to do the same with Charlotte. He turns to face me.

'thank you Teresa, and I'm sorry for everything I have put you through, for everything I've put the team through. I don't deserve a second chance' I shake my head ' it's ok Patrick, you deserve to move on. Everyone deserves a second chance. YOU deserve a second chance at life.' He turns to face their graves once more.' they'll be ok with it, right? I want to be happy but I feel guilty' I shake my head and pull him into a hug. I've lost count of how many times I have hugged him these past few days' don't feel guilty Patrick' I tell him. 'please don't feel guilty about wanting to move on' He clings to me like a child clings to their teddy bear when they need comforting. ' will you help me?' he mumbles into my shirt ' help you with what Patrick?' I ask

He looks up at me. 'To move on properly. To get rid of my house. It has…bad memories, good memories too but the bad ones greatly out weigh the good memories. I need somewhere else. Somewhere to start a fresh with the good memories'. he pauses ' I need to move on. I can't stay thinking about the bad things, I don't want to get dragged down like last time' he looks nervous ' can I stay with you until I find somewhere?'

I give him a reassuring smile. 'you can stay with me as long as you want Patrick, but sure I'll help you sell your house and find somewhere new'. He smiles, a genuine happy smile before looking down at the wedding ring on his finger. He rubs it thoughtfully.

' it was a good life with them Teresa. Me and Angie and Charlie we were happy. I have lots of good memories, but… that doesn't mean I can't have another life… right? Another chance at happiness?' he looks up at me, I see a strange look in his eyes I can't decipher. Is it hope? ' of course you can Patrick.' I tell him 'not yet…but maybe in the future?' I nod my head in agreement. 'in the future' I repeat. He looks back down to his ring and gently removes it and puts it in his waistcoat pocket. He pats his pocket affectionately before looking at me.

'step one' he whispers, looking over at the graves and taking my hand. He squeezes it and I squeeze back. Patrick gives me a warm smile. A genuine happy smile.

Oh how I love that smile.

Ok so there's chapter two. Please let me know what you think!

Em-J


	3. Chapter 3

Ok so this is chapter three: I'm not sure how I feel about this chapter but oh well…I posted it anyway! As ever, I would like to thank everyone for reading and reviewing my story and doing all those other fun things like following and liking etc.

Disclaimer: see first chapter

Dedications: see first chapter.

Chapter three- 2 weeks later( nightmares and TV)

'Teresa!'

For the last couple of nights, Patrick had experienced nightmares. Horrific, vivid nightmares I had hoped would disappear once Red John was out of the picture. How naïve I had been to think that. Patrick had woken up screaming my name, his eyes filled with panic and heartache. I had bundled him into my arms, stroking his hair and shushing him. Red John has been dead for a fortnight and Patrick has been making a little progress, talking to me about his time in Sophie's care and a day when he had sat playing the piano with Charlotte. He had also taken an interest in house hunting, I had felt my heart skip a beat when he suggested looking for accommodation near me. ' I want to be near people I know and trust' he had informed me. Unfortunately, the nightmares are making his sleeping pattern more upside down than usual and he seemed to have no energy to think about anything.

'it's ok Patrick' I told him. 'you're safe, you're safe he's gone'. Patrick shakes his head ' I want to forget' he sobs ' I just want to remember the happy stuff, not him but I can't!' he buried his head deep into my shoulder ' please help me' I hear him sob. My heart is breaking for him, like it has done every day for many years.

I will always help Patrick. I will help him get back on his feet. I will help him to remember the good times with his family but also help him create new memories with the team.

'Teresa?'

Blue/green eyes look up at me. He wipes away his tears. ' sorry' he tells me. I've been hearing that a lot lately. 'Sorry I hurt you' 'sorry I was so hell bent on revenge' ' sorry for crying all over your cushions'. Patrick needs to know he can stop apologising. He will never fully move on if he keeps apologising. ' Listen to me Patrick Jane' I tell him, he sits up straight and stares at me 'you have NOTHING to be sorry for, do you understand?' 'But-' ' No, everyone makes mistakes Patrick. Anyone in their right minds would want harm to come to those who hurt their family. Please don't apologise for these things ok?' I stroke his cheek, wiping away a stray tear. He nods at me, sniffling slightly and leaning into my touch before looking around the room.

'we're in your living room' he informs me. 'Yes we are' I reply. 'is that ok?' he asks. ' why wouldn't it be ok Patrick?' he chuckles slightly and glances over at the clock. ' are you going back to sleep?' he asks me. I shake me head. I can't leave Patrick like this, all alone down stairs with nothing but his thoughts. ' I think I'll watch a bit of TV, care to join me?' He nods as I switch the TV on, picking some random channel that wasn't showing either the news or a stupid reality show repeat. Patrick scoots up nearer to me. 'Teresa?' he asks. ' yes?' He looks up at me with tired yet still sparkling eyes' Thank you Teresa'.

Yeah, so that was chapter three. Hope you liked it! Please let me know.

Em-J


	4. Chapter 4

Hi everyone!

Thanks for the reviews so far. I'm gonna try and move it along slightly quicker and make the time gaps between each chapters slightly bigger. I should probably mention that there is an extremely strong possibility of Jisbon, I am an avid shipper after all and poor Patrick deserves happiness! This chapter is set a month after Red John dies and contains no Patrick I'm afraid but he is mentioned alot. I will also apologise if it seems a bit far fetched. Please let me know what you think!

Em-J

Disclaimer: see chapter one

Dedications: as above

One month later: moving out?

This morning, Patrick has gone to see Sophie Miller, the doctor who had helped him all those years ago at the worst time of his life. He had gotten back into contact with her a couple of weeks ago after discussing it with me first.

'I think I should see Sophie again…just to talk…not to stay just to talk, it might help. Do you think that's a good idea?'

'It might do you some good Patrick. I think it's a great idea' I had told him. He had given me a long hug and whispered 'I'm so lucky to have you in my life'. The feeling is mutual.

Patrick decided to see Sophie a few times during the week, asking if I could come with him for the first few. His first couple of sessions were spent in tears. He sobbed his heart out as he confessed his worries about the team and how much damage he had caused in our lives. He clung to me like his life depended on it. The sessions after that were between Patrick and Sophie. She gave me a reassuring smile. I knew he was in safe hands.

Whilst Patrick was seeing Sophie, I though I would run to the store. Not the most adventurous thing to do on your day off(Rigsby was off to a theme park and Van Pelt had a spa day) but these things need to be done.

'Teresa!'

I snap out of my thoughts at the voice of Georgina. She has lived in this block of flats longer than I had. A kind hearted woman in her 50's who I bump into on occasions. She had took a shine to Patrick the first time she has seen us together, just days after Red John's death when he was in his quiet, clingy stage. Part of him is still in that stage, he wants to make sure he is around people he cares about. People he trusts and feels safe around. I'm happy to confirm that the person he clings to the most is me.

' Where's that charming man who lives with you?' Georgina asks

'He has a doctor's appointment this morning' I inform her. It's not s though I am lying to her…

'Is he ok?' she asks, concern in her voice. ' it's just a check up' I reassure her.

'oh good, I am glad. You two do make a sweet couple. I never saw you with him before he moved in but he's a very nice man. Handsome too. Such nice hair!'

I feel a blush on my cheeks ' we're not a couple, we're friends, he's just staying with me for a while' I tell her, feeling my heart sink as I say these words. I always seem to feel like this whenever Patrick and I are mistaken for a married couple or boyfriend and girlfriend. Maybe it's because Patrick does seem like he would be a doting, loving husband or boyfriend. So caring and gentle. He did once say that he would always take care of me…

' Oh how disappointing, you two would make a great couple, you look so happy together. It's a shame he's only living with you temporarily'. I feel myself silently agreeing with her, I like having Patrick around. 'I think he'll be staying for a little while longer but eventually he will need to find a new place to stay that's near work' I tell her.' he needs to be around someone he knows right now' I know the longer Patrick stays the harder it will be for me when he leaves. The harder it will be for the both of us.

Kathy's eyes widen and she gasps. ' Henry's place! He could move in there!' I frown. 'Henry? I thought they got new tenants for that place months ago?' Georgina shakes her head. 'Still empty. I know it is on the top floor but it would be Perfect for Patrick and technically you'd both still be living under the same roof!'. I feel my heart fluttering with excitement. Patrick could get a new start and he would be close by for me to keep checks on him. It seems like the perfect scenario. A whole month since Red John died and Patrick would have a brand new place to start a fresh. He was staying with the CBI. He would be living near by. We could even go to work together.

It just seemed too good to be true. Like there was a catch. Ah of course, Patrick wasn't ready to move out yet. I wasn't ready for him to move out. What if, when the time did come, the flat had new tenants and Patrick lived a car ride away? I couldn't bare the idea of him having a nightmare and I wasn't near by to console him.

' It's something to consider honey, I'm sure it would really benefit him to have a close friend nearby in emergencies, and it'll be great for me because I can keep tabs on the both of you! I mean what I said you would make a great couple!' Georgina gushes. I give her a small smile.

' well you talk it over with Patrick. I'm sure he'll love the idea!'.

I nod and watch her go into her flat. Georgina is right, it is something to consider. In the future obviously, I mean Patrick has discussed finding a new place but he seems so emotionally drained after talking with Sophie he just wants to sit with me and talk about random stuff. My phone beeps and I read a text from Patrick.

FINISHED WITH SOPHIE, CAN WE WATCH A MOVIE?' Patrick. X

I smile and reply.

SURE, YOU CHOOSE. Teresa x

The flat discussion can wait. Tonight is movie night.

Ok so that was chapter four. Please let me know if it seemed a little…stupid. Thanks for reading!

Em-J


	5. Chapter 5

Hi everyone! thank you soooo much for the reviews/follows/favourites etc I've been getting for my story-you guys are all great, I mean it, really great!

So anyway, this is chapter 5, I hope you like it and you won't find it boring or a let down etc. I've rewritten it twice and have changed the last chapter so many times but hopefully it all makes sense in the end and fits in with the other chapters.

Em-J

Disclaimer: see first chapter

Dedications: see first chapter.

3 months 1 day: - Sleepovers

The angels must like Patrick Jane. Maybe Angela and Charlotte put in a good word. I can imagine what they would of said. ' Patrick deserves happiness. Patrick deserves good in his life now'. How could the angels turn that down?.

Patrick got the flat. After a few days of decision making(he even made a list of pros and cons), he eventually decided. The move was hard for both of us, we've gotten so used to living with each other but Patrick needs a place of his own. A place he can call home. The thing that really swung it for him was that it was in the same block of flats as me. 18 days ago, Patrick moved his last box into his new home. He pulled me into a hug and I gladly accepted his embrace. A few tears were shed that night. Ok, A LOT of tears were shed. Tears for Angela and Charlotte. Tears for the life he once had. Tears for all the agony Red John had caused him. Tears for strong friendships. Tears for the future. Toasts were made for the team and for the future and for Saint Teresa the saviour. I stayed till the early hours of the morning, before I forced myself to say goodbye for the night.

That night I couldn't sleep. My flat felt empty. My flat felt cold and lifeless. Basically it felt wrong. There was someone missing from it. Someone I cared for a lot. The next morning Patrick had greeted me outside my door. We had taken in each other's tired faces and slightly lost expressions. It felt wrong to be meeting like this. It felt wrong waking up and not putting two mugs out on the table or taking it in turns to use the shower first. Patrick needed a home of his own, but he also needed company. Red John's death was still fresh in his mind. That particular door in his memory palace hadn't been bordered up yet. He needed someone to talk to when the door refused to stay shut.

So we made a deal.

Patrick and I seem to have two homes now. There is my flat where he sleeps on the couch and we watch TV and then there's Patrick's flat, where he sleeps on the sofa and I sleep in his bed because he carries me there when I fall asleep watching TV. Patrick had jokingly compared them to sleepovers. His daughter hadn't been old enough to have sleepovers but he was aware of some of the carnie girls having them when he was younger. I never liked sleepovers as a child, but this is different. Patrick didn't seem like the kind of person who would want to talk about which boy was the cutest in class or what the best way to braid someone's hair is. He just wanted the company of his best friend. We don't always have these 'Sleepovers', however 11 out of the last 17 nights have ended up like this. One of us will go to the other's house and never leave till the morning when we have to go and get some clean clothes.

Tonight, Patrick had come over with a sad smile, worried eyes and an overnight bag. He had fussed over me for a good half hour, making sure I was definitely feeling ok and I hadn't been hurt. Since coming back to work Patrick had tried to avoid anything too emotional, any case involving the death of someone young, especially a woman or little girl, he would stay back in the bullpen. Unfortunately, what we thought was a simple robbery gone wrong ended up with the suspect using his young stepdaughter as a shield as he tried to shoot at us. Patrick had come along thinking the case would be over within a day or two. None of us had expected this. Patrick had watched helplessly as a 10 year old girl with pretty blond hair has screamed for her 'Daddy' and her sobbing mother, who was being ordered to stay back by Rigsby. He watched as Van Pelt and I had dodged the bullets, one of them barely inches away from my head. After the man had gotten arrested, Patrick looked at me with a broken expression. One of heartache and panic. He had rushed over to me and pulled me into a hug as I reassured him I was safe. He clung to me for what seemed like hours. Patrick needed comfort. He needed to know I was safe. There was no question whether we would be having a 'Sleepover' tonight. I took him home in my car and told him to get some clothes for the morning.

'Teresa?' I look up at Patrick as he offers me the box of chocolates. I take one I'm guaranteed to like. 'Teresa are you sure I can stay here tonight?' he asks. His voice is small and vulnerable, like a child. I know that he shouldn't be left alone. 'I know this is 4 sleepovers in a row but I can't…not after..' he trails off and I grab his hand. 'Patrick I invited you over, and if you had said know, I still would've insisted!'. He gives me a small smile ' Thank you Teresa. I'm just so glad you are ok. Grace too' Since Red John had died, Patrick had switched to using the first names of everyone on the team, not just me. It had taken the boys by surprise at first but they understood that it was Patrick's way of feeling closer to the team. The team he had chosen to stay with. He takes a chocolate. I notice it is the same kind as I have just chosen. He sits in silence, seemingly lost in his thoughts.

Patrick sniffs and looked down at his hands. 'What's wrong Patrick?' I asked. He looks up at me. He opens his mouth as if about to speak but closes it again and begins playing with the wrapper from his chocolate.

I know he wants to say something to me so I give him an encouraging smile. He puts the wrapper down and looks up at me.

'I don't know what I would do without you Teresa, I really don't. After RJ I could of hit rock bottom again, gone of the rails and drowned in my regrets and memories, but you saved me. You were there and you saved me. You have always saved me. Kept me balanced. You saved me and I don't know what I'd do without you. You're my best friend Teresa. You're the reason I'm still here' His speech seems rushed yet full of emotion at the same time. He rubs at his eyes as though warning them not to spill over with tears. His words have gripped my heart. I have never felt so appreciated before. So important. 'I was so scared when he started firing at you all. I thought I was going to loose you. ' Those beautiful eyes are filling up with tears, 'I can't loose you Teresa I can't loose my best friend! I can't!'

I hold him as he cries, I can feel his grip on me tighten, as if he's scared I'll disappear. 'I'm not going anywhere Patrick, I promise. You're my best friend too and I would never abandon you.' I tell him. For now, I can't put into words how much Patrick means to me, however the look in his eyes tells me I don't need to tell him. I've told him I will never leave him and that seems to have eased his mind. He looks up and gives me a smile just as I stifle a yawn. 'You're tired' he tells me, wiping tears from his cheeks. My yawn has rewarded me with a cheeky Patrick Jane smile, the first real one I have seen since Red John died. 'I can stay up a while longer if you want to chat' I tell him. He shakes his head. 'you're tired. You should get some sleep Saint Teresa'. Another yawn escapes me and I know I can't argue with him. It has been a long and exhausting day. I put the lid back on the chocolates. ' Do you want anymore blankets or pillows?' I ask him. He shakes his head ' and are you sure you don't mind if I go to bed?' Patrick shakes his head as we both automatically lean in for a hug.

'Goodnight Teresa'.

' goodnight Patrick'

I go into my room and shut the door. I feel guilty for leaving him, especially after his heart warming speech. As I get changed I can't shake the feeling that I shouldn't of left him. I should bring my duvet into the living room and stay with him for a little while longer, until I can't keep my eyes open any longer. Less than 8 hours ago, Patrick had clung to me and sobbed his heart out as he whispered 'you're alive! you're alive!' over and over again. I open my door and sneak a look at the living room. Patrick is still sat on the sofa, staring into space and hugging his knees like a small child. He looks lost and alone. I think tonight's sleepover needs to be a little different. Patrick needs company more than ever and I don't think staying up with him till he falls asleep will cut it.

'Patrick?' he looks up at me, eyes full of tears waiting to fall. 'Patrick go put your pyjamas on.' I watch him wordlessly go to the bathroom with his overnight things. Patrick needed company tonight and as a best friend, the one person who, in his words, had saved him. It is my duty to make sure he feels safe. I know for a fact that after this evening's events, Patrick is likely to have a nightmare and I need to be there straight away.

Our relationship is hard to define right now. We are best friends. That is a definite fact, we've been best friends for quite a while even though we never really said it out loud, we just both know. Patrick and I are probably much closer now post Red John than we were before he died. Patrick feels safe with me. He confides in me. He did before Red John died but even more so now. We are two people who think the world of each other. I will always be there for Patrick and I know that he will always be there for me.

'Teresa?'

I give him a smile. 'I can't leave you on your own Patrick' I tell him. He looks at me confused' but I'm not on my own, I'm here with you!'. I grab his blanket from the sofa and go into my room 'Follow me' I tell him. I love Patrick. I love him as a best friend. Even more than that. I can't imagine my life without his smile and I am determined that his smile does not die with Red John. He waits in the doorway, eyeing the double bed with an unsure look. 'I shouldn't disturb your sleep Teresa. What if I wake up in the night? What if I can't sleep at all?' I grab his hand and give it a small squeeze. 'It's going to be ok Patrick' I tell him. 'If you feel scared or upset or if you have a nightmare, I'll be right here with you.' I reassure him. ' If you can't sleep then it's ok but I really think you should try. You need some rest after today, somewhere a lot comfier than my sofa!' He gives me a smile, his eyes full of love and affection 'I don't deserve you Saint Teresa' I smile at him 'You deserve the world Patrick'.

After all that he's been through, Patrick Jane deserves the world.

Em-J

Ok, so that's chapter five. Was the last line too cheesy?! Please let me know and thanks for taking the time to read this.


	6. Chapter 6

Ok, so after a lot of thinking, I think I've come up with a way to make this chapter work.

Thanks for the reviews for my last chapter, and a special thanks to Amber for the suggestion. I really hope you like it, please let me know!

Em-J

Disclaimer: see first chapter

Dedications: for Amber!

Chapter 6: 3 months 2 weeks- The winners.

Patrick seems to be sleeping much better since we shared a bed. As friends obviously, our relationship is based completely on friendship. We got to restaurants as friends. We go to the movies as friends. He pours his heart and soul out to me as a friend. My heart skips a beat when he smiles because he's my friend. Grace thinks something is going on between us as we spend so much time together, but that's what best friends do right? Two people who enjoy each other's company, who feel comfortable around each other, they should spend as much time as they want together right? I really don't like to label our relationship because it seems too worthy of a label. Our relationship is hard to describe. It doesn't fall into the normal 'best friends' category. I consider Patrick and I to be more than best friends. We can tell each other anything. We spend most of our time together. We're there for each other. I've been his support since the second Red John ended his own life and Patrick has been my support too. We seem so much closer post Red John. To be honest I didn't think that was possible but it is.

Everything seems to have gone our way so far. Patrick has handled things post Red John much better than anyone expected, including himself. To be honest I didn't know what to expect, I just knew that I would be by his side through the good and the bad days. The team have noticed how lighter he seems to be, like a weight has been lifted from his shoulders. You hear people say that and you don't really believe it, but yes, with Patrick there is a definite change in how he seems around the team. It's as though he feels he can be there because he enjoys it and not have to worry about Red John cases anymore. He had one last session with Sophie a couple of days ago. He came back to my flat for a while after and told me straight out that he didn't want to see her anymore. 'She says I am doing extremely well, better than she ever thought. Sophie wants me to see her again but I don't think I should' He told me. 'Sophie was there when Red john ruined my life. I just wanted to see her a few more times and then stop. I just want some kind of closure to that part of my life, because she's a reminder of that bad time. I don't want to be reminded Teresa!'. I shake my head and squeeze his hand' I know you don't Patrick, that's why I think you've made a very good decision'.

That night, on a rare non-sleepover night, Sophie had rang me and told me that although Patrick seems to be doing well(I agreed 100percent) he should definitely see her a few more times(I did not agree with this).

'I'm afraid that Patrick may relapse. It's only been three months Teresa, he won't be ok overnight'.

Now, seeing him fight against an invisible attacker, screaming for help and for mercy, I find myself wanting to shout at Sophie. I want to scream and shout at her. She's cursed it. She's cursed Patrick's recovery. We were doing so well together before she put her two cents in. Sophie had been a blessing for the first few sessions, but now I just see her as a curse. Sophie was there when his wife and daughter was killed, she was there for the beginning of the Red John chapter and she was there at the end. Those few sessions should have wrapped the whole thing up. Locked the door of the Red John section of his memory palace for good and destroyed the key so nobody could enter it again. Patrick is right, Sophie is a reminder about the time he was in hospital, the worst time in his life. We were doing so well. Patrick and I are doing this as a team. Sophie was a blessing for the first couple of sessions but now she's just been a curse.

'Please, please stop it! You're dead! You're dead!' he screams, eyes squeezed tight together and fingers scraping into the sofa. My sofa. The one he had brought for my office. Just yesterday we had sat there discussing cake. A stupid, pointless little conversation but it was OUR stupid little conversation. The kind we love to have now and again when it's just the two of us. Two friends in our own little world. Yet now this couch has a bad memory. One that will stay in my memory forever. This terrified features etched in my mind, clear as day.

'Patrick please wake up honey, you're safe!'. I tell him, my hands bury themselves into his mess of curls, massaging his scalp in what I hope is a soothing way. 'It's ok honey please wake up!'. My pleas fall on deaf ears, Patrick is somewhere far away from here. He is trapped in the hell that is his memory palace. The Red John room hasn't had a viewing in a long time and his mind has decided to give him the full tour. He buries his head into the pillow, his breathing erratic. If I don't calm him down he may have a panic attack. 'Patrick please, sweetheart listen to me!'

He starts to calm down and he turns into my hands. The mauling of his hair seems to have done some good. A single tear falls down his cheek, landing on the sofa and his breath hitches.

'leave us alone' he whispers. 'Patrick?' I ask, keeping my voice low and soft. 'Patrick wake up for me'. 'Leave us alone! You're gone! You're gone!' he cries, sobs taking over his body. I gently wipe away tears. 'Wake up Patrick' I hear myself say, though I don't recall opening my mouth to speak, all my concentration is on the suffering man in front of me. 'Patrick honey it's Teresa. You're ok we're safe' I give him a gentle shake and those brilliant blue eyes shoot open. They're full of panic and heartache. 'Patrick?' I ask. 'Sweetheart can you here me?' he looks up at me, trying to breathe normally as tears fall down his cheeks. 'Teresa?' he asks, his bottom lip trembling. 'it's ok Patrick' I tell him. 'He's still gone right?'. I feel like my heart is being crushed. It's as though I had witnessed Patrick's nightmare myself I can picture it in my mind. 'Leave us alone' 'You're gone!' Patrick's nightmare was about Red John. More importantly, it was about Red John still being here. As though he never left and Patrick still had to live each day knowing he was still out there, ready to attack any second.

'He's gone Patrick. He's gone forever' I reassure him. He shakily moves himself into a sitting position and I sit beside him. His clothes and hair are all ruffled, the latter being my doing as I tried to wake him. He looks at me with those gorgeous eyes. 'sometimes it's hard to believe' he tells me. There are moments I feel the same way. 'I just want to forget but I can't because I had to talk about him with Sophie' I rub his arm affectionately. 'You don't have to see here again Patrick, no matter what she says it's your decision. If you think a few sessions is enough then she shouldn't pressure you to keep seeing her' I tell him. He nods 'we won didn't we?' I smile. 'Yes we did Patrick'.

'I don't wanna talk about him anymore Teresa' he sobs 'he's gone he's gone! Please don't make me talk about him anymore! We won!' he sobs. I hold him tight and shush him 'It's ok Patrick, we don't ever have to talk about him ever again' I promise. He looks up at me, teary eyes full of hope 'Promise?' he asks. I nod my head, my own tears threatening to fall as I stare at my beautiful fragile friend. My friend who deserves the world. He points to his head 'he's still in here Teresa, he won't go away but he will eventually won't he?' I nod. 'I won't let him win! We won Teresa, we won. He killed himself but WE won!' He tells him, triumph and determination in his voice. 'he's gone but we're still here. YOU'RE still here. We won!' I smile at him 'Yes we did Patrick. We won. We lived.' He nods and leans on my shoulder, my fingers automatically running themselves through his hair. He gives a soft sigh and closes his eyes, clearly enjoying the soothing sensation on his scalp. He opens his eyes and gently takes my other hand, stroking it affectionately. 'We won Teresa. We really did' He says, quite not believing it.

Patrick's right. We won.

Ok, so there it is. I really hope it wasn't a let down. Please let me know!

See you next chapter!

Em-J


	7. Chapter 7

Hi everyone!

Ok, so I thought I would post this whilst I have the time spare because it's going to be a busy week and last night I had laptop trouble. This chapter isn't my favourite but hopefully the next one will be better. Anyway, thank you so much for reading my story and sticking through with it, you guys are great!

I just hope my story doesn't get boring!

Em-J

Disclaimer: see first chapter

Dedications: see first chapter

Chapter 7-Family

This was Rigsby's fault. Kind of. Well, his actions contributed to the situation.

Patrick obviously forgave him on the spot, but it didn't mean he hadn't kept apologising to him over and over again as I loaded Patrick into my car. 'I didn't get a cast' Patrick muses, thoughtfully admiring his wrist which is secured in a splint with a sling. His jacket has been thrown onto one of the back seats, I'll have to remember to bring it in with us. 'I've never broken any bones before' he adds. 'Sprains yes, I once sprained my ankle but I've never actually broken any bones'. I have, but this isn't the time to be discussing my childhood. Instead, I focus on driving back to our block of flats and carefully keeping an eye on Patrick. He starts humming happily, the pain killers must be kicking in…

During our time at the hospital, I learnt a couple of things about Patrick. The most important one being that I was listed as his emergency contact. 'Of course you are Teresa. Who else would it be?' he had said. It was heart warming to think that my name was in the space usually reserved for your spouse, or parent if you are under 18. Of course, Patrick is my emergency contact as well. For years it had been Tommy, but last year it seemed right that it would now be Patrick. He's my best friend, I see more of him than I do my brothers. Another thing I learnt was that Patrick has a severe peanut allergy. 'I thought I had told you?' he said, giving me a slightly adorable confused expression. 'Sorry Teresa'. As we waited to see a doctor I mentally toured the cupboards of my flat and the CBI kitchen, looking out for potentially fatal food products. As far as I can remember, there's nothing I there that could cause Patrick harm, but I'll make sure I start carrying an epi-pen. Just in case…

'You don't think Wayne feels guilty do you?' Patrick asks. I shake my head and he smiles. 'Good, because I wouldn't want him to feel guilty. It was just an accident. It was the suspect's fault right?' I sigh 'Yes but Rigsby shouldn't of left you to interrogate him on your own, he knew perfectly well that he was dangerous but did he listen?!'. Patrick chuckles. 'It sounds like you're telling off your kid! You're the mother of the team Teresa, always looking out for everyone and being the boss!'. I smile. 'So I'm the mum and Rigsby's the Son?' 'Exactly!' This could be a fun conversation' What role do Cho and Van Pelt play in this weird little CBI family?' I ask. He looks thoughtful for a moment 'Cho? Kimball is the moody teenage son who is witty and sarcastic…and Grace? Well Grace could be the girl you take in and look after. That way the whole Wayne/Grace thing wouldn't be too weird, because they aren't related.' he looks wistful 'They seemed happy. Do you think they'll be happy again?' I don't know what to say. Rigsby has Sarah and Ben, but seeing them together, it seems like they're not as close as when Rigsby and Van pelt were dating. However, with the rules…Sometimes I hate the rules. Maybe I am the mum of the team, wanting the best for my 'children'. Hold on…

'Patrick if I am the mum, Cho and Rigsby are the kids and Van Pelt is the kind of foster child, who are you on the team? . I pull into the parking area near the flats and we get out of the car, Patrick using his good arm to retrieve his jacket. He looks at me thoughtfully 'Well…I am the oldest on the team' 'Only by a year or so' I remind him. 'Yeah but I'm still the oldest, so that makes me the dad!'. That one word makes my heart jump. Me and Patrick as parents. I know it's just for fun, but to think of me and Patrick of parents…it feeds the little light in my heart that shines solely for Patrick. The part of my heart that sees him as more than a friend. The part of my heart that aches when he is in pain or upset, not with worry for a friend, but with something else. The part of my heart that told my brain to shoot the suspect when he slammed Patrick into the wall in the interrogation room. I almost listened to that part of my heart, Patrick has already been hurt enough and no low life criminal will ever leave a mark on him.

'Teresa?' My daydream has lasted to my door. 'Teresa thank you for driving me to the hospital, I really appreciate it. ' He gives me the 'gratitude' grin from the Patrick Jane smile range. My personal favourite being the one he greets me with every time we see each other.

'It's ok Patrick, just be careful' I tell him. He nods 'I will'. We stare at each other for a moment, Patrick quickly glancing over to the stairs with a mournful look. I understand how he feels, I don't want us to part just yet. 'Do you want to come inside for some tea?' I ask. 'yes' he says, blushing when he realises how quick he answered. 'That would be nice. 'he adds, smiling bashfully. I unlock the door and he follows me inside.

'it's true though' he says. 'What's true?' I ask. 'they act like kids sometimes. Wayne will grab loads of junk food, Grace will roll her eyes and Kimball will look up from his book and give some witty comment on the whole situation.' he explains. 'It's just like kids would do right?' I smile, thinking of a situation like this that only happened a few days ago. 'Then Mother Teresa enters and gets everyone in order!'. he adds, smiling. 'What? While father Patrick just observes the scene and drinks his weight in tea?' Patrick smiles at this' Exactly!' he says brightly. 'Father Patrick just looks on because he's happy.' he smiles and take a sip of his tea, the teacup balancing on his knee and his good arm being used to hold the cup. 'happy that they're arguing?' I joke. He shakes his head and smiles softly. 'Happy that he has a family, people to care about again'

That one sentence nearly bursts my heart. I want to cry. Cry with happiness that Patrick feels this way. Cry with sorrow that Red John kept him from this new happiness for so long. I want to hug him tight and not let go. I give him a smile and try not to show how close I am to crying. His eyes are full of love and joy as he carries on sipping his tea. 'Teresa?' 'Yes?' he puts his cup and saucer on the table. 'I can honestly say that these past few months have been…well they've been the toughest moments of my life. Tougher than the time I was with Sophie. Red John is gone and I'm still here. I know I've said this before but we won and it's just really strange to think of that. We're all still here. Me and Grace and Wayne and Kimball. Most importantly, you're still here.' he gives me the biggest smile I have ever seen, one of relief and happiness. 'The CBI are my new family Teresa and you're my reason for still being here. Thank you so much Teresa. Not just for the hospital today but for everything' He gently leans over and kisses me on the cheek. ' I'll see you in the morning, thank you for the tea'. He gives me once last smile as I watch him let himself out.

The little light in my heart is dancing for joy, whilst my memory is replaying the last few minutes over and over again.

So there we go! Thanks for reading and I hope to see you all next chapter!

Em-J


	8. Chapter 8

Hi everyone!

Only one review for my last chapter! Anyway, I wrote this in little pieces( on a post it, a scrap bit of paper and the notes section on my phone) then put them together. I really hope it's ok.

Thanks for taking the time to read this chapter and keeping with the story!

Em-J

Disclaimer: see first chapter

Dedications: see first chapter

6 months: happy birthday and goodbye

The flowers are beautiful. Daisies, apparently they're her favourite. 'We would sit for hours making daisy chains' Patrick explained as he picked the biggest bunch he could fine. Whilst at the store, he brought me a small but beautiful; bouquet of purple lilacs which are now sat in a vase on the kitchen windowsill.

Patrick places the daisies on her grave, tracing the name with his fingers. He stands back besides me and we link arms, I can feel him tremble slightly and I give him an encouraging smile. 'Happy birthday Charlotte' he says. There is no trace of sadness or heartache in his voice. Just peace. 'I…I just wanted to let you know, let you both know, that I tend to lock the Red John chapter of my life away forever. Deep in a forgotten part of my memory palace. And…and I just wanted you to know that our time together was happy and loving and oh so special to me. I have lots of good memories of the three of us, memories that I don't want tainted by the thought of what he did. Charlie I love you so much, you will forever be daddy's little girl. Angie, I love you too, you will always have a special place in my heart'

He turns to face me, eyes filled with hopeful loving tears, my eyes mirror his and I squeeze his hand in reassurance. I am right here. I will always be here. Patrick turns to the graves once more. 'But I want new memories too. new memories of this new chapter in my life. I wish to be happy again. Feel love for another and feel loved back. I hope you understand that you will always have a place in my heart, in my memory palace. But my heart is capable of loving another. I didn't think so at first, all those years ago but now I definitely know that it is true. The team, all of them are my family now. Grace, Kimball, Wayne and most importantly Teresa. ' he turns to look at me once more and I feel my heart race and the adoring look he gives me. 'Teresa saved my life Angie. She really did.' He turns back to their graves, kissing his fingers and placing them on Angela's name then Charlotte's. 'Happy birthday Charlotte. Goodbye my loves'.

I feel the tears welling up as he leans his head on my shoulders. I stroke the side of his head, lightly running my fingers through his curls. 'They'll understand won't they Teresa?' he asks softly. 'Of course they will Patrick' he nods and pulls me into a hug. As I rub the back of his head, my eye catches the daisies. 'Patrick?' I ask. He breaks the hug and looks at me 'Is it ok if I talk to them alone?' I ask. He looks at me confused before nodding and walking away to a safe distance. I give him a reassuring smile and turn to the graves.

'Angela…Charlotte. I just wanted to say a few words. I know there's more time to go before he's completely over the impact of Red John and I know they'll be more down days, but I will be there for him every step of the way. I love and care about him and I wish for him to be happy again. Patrick has people who care about him. People who want the world for him and won't let anyone hurt him ever again. The team and I are his friends. His family. We will make sure that Patrick is never alone. He's a good man. His love and adoration of you is obvious. Red John made him an angry and heart broken man, but now that he's gone I hope Patrick can rid himself of all the bad memories so he can fill that space with brand new happy ones. He'll always be looked after. He'll always have a shoulder to cry on and a best friend to smile with. I promise'

I look over to where Patrick is stood, looking all lost in thought, before turning back. ' Patrick means so much to me. It's hard to put into words but I wanted you to know that as long as I am alive on this planet, there is someone who loves him just as you two did. I will always care for him and I will make sure that he will always be happy yet still have a place for you in his heart.' I smile at the names. The two people who knew the old Patrick. The pre Red John Patrick that I never had the privilege to meet. 'You were very lucky to have him in your life.' I tell them. 'I know I can't imagine my life without him'. I beckon him to come back. 'I'll always be there for him. I promise you ' I whisper, as Patrick walks back over to me. We share a smile and join hands. 'isn't she amazing Angie?' Patrick asks her. 'I don't know what you three girls talked about, but I know that Teresa will always be there for me, and I will be there for her.' he gives me a dazzling smile and I feel my heart skip a beat, the little light isn't so little anymore. He looks back at his daughter's name 'Happy birthday princess. Daddy will always love you'.

ok so that's chapter 8! Fun fact: purple lilacs apparently mean 'First emotion of love'. Thanks for reading,please let me know what you think!

Em-J


	9. Chapter 9

Hi everyone!

Ok so this was hard to write and I hope that it isn't too bland or mushy or whatever. Thanks everyone for sticking by me!

Em-J

Disclaimer: see first chapter

Dedications: see first chapter

7 months- Glasses. 

'well?'

Words fail me. Seriously. There is nothing to do right now but stare at his face. That handsome face with those gorgeous blue/green eyes. Gorgeous eyes that are now protected with the chunkiest glasses I have ever seen. I doubt Cho or Rigsby could pull these off. Yes, Patrick Jane has managed to make geeky look gorgeous.

A couple of weeks ago, Patrick had been complaining of, and I quote,' eye ache'. After three days of watching him squint at menus and, more worryingly, road signs, I had pestered him to go and get an eye test. 'But none of my family wore them!' he protested' Not that I recall anyway'. I finally persuaded him to go with the promise of a movie night at my place, though we probably would of done that anyway. Patrick never told me if he needed glasses or not so it was definitely a shock when he came back to mine after another trip to the opticians.

'Teresa? What do you think?'. he asks. I pretend to be giving it some thought. 'Not bad I guess' I say, which is nothing like what I really want to tell him. 'So they suit me!' he looks pleased with this. 'I thought I'd go for some thicker style of frames. Like buddy holly!' 'They definitely have a buddy holly look about them' I say. He smiles' Teresa instead of another movie night, could we go to dinner again?' He asks. 'Sure, I like our dinners together' I confess 'Me too, they're our little thing. Just the two of us. '

Patrick and I have our favourite places for certain things. Favourite place to rent movies from. Favourite places to go for coffee/tea and definitely a favourite place to go for dinner. We even have a favourite 'table' so to speak. The owners probably think were a couple or something. Which is kind of right, we're a couple of friends. One of the waiters greats us with a smile as we make a beeline for the table near the corner. There's no point looking at the menus, we almost always order the same thing every time.

'Teresa we're best friends right?' I nod as I've just chosen that moment to take eat a forkful of food ' Well…because…' he sighs and looks down at his place. 'What's wrong Patrick?' I ask, now that I was able to talk. 'Well…you see I…' he looks up at me 'I feel really safe and happy around you Teresa'. I can feel myself blushing. 'I'm glad because I feel safe and happy around you too Patrick'. I tell him. 'I don't know what I'd do without you Teresa. You saved me. You've saved me so many times and you continue to be there for me every day. You're…well…I just wanted to say how much you mean to me' he says. I smile. 'You mean a lot to me too Patrick.' I smile and take his hand in mine, squeezing it slightly. He smiles back at me, making my heart skip a beat. It seems to like doing that.

We go back to eating our meals, occasionally looking up at each other and smiling. I can't get over how handsome he looks in his new glasses. Patrick has always been handsome, but the glasses really show off his gorgeous eyes. 'Teresa?' I look up at him, as I have another forkful of pasta. ' I…I just…I would like us to be more than best friends' My eyes widen. Did he really just say that? A part of me can't believe it. Is that glow in my heart going to get it's one true wish? 'Teresa?' he asks nervously. 'T-Teresa I-' 'Me too Patrick, I want to be more than friends too' I tell him, our faces breaking out into identical smiles. He sighs in relief' Oh Teresa you have no idea how happy I am right now!' Oh I think I do. ' I was so worried that you'd think I was crazy and-' 'I don't think you're crazy Patrick.' He reaches over and holds my hand. 'You really mean it. You really want us to be…well boyfriend and girlfriend sounds silly. We're grownups after all' I nod and giggle like a little girl. 'It does a bit doesn't it?'

He smiles that perfect Patrick Jane grin and I feel myself smiling back as I try and register in my mind that I am officially dating Patrick. Dating. It's crazy to think that we are at this point. That Red John is dead and Patrick is still here, happy and living his life. We sit smiling at each other whilst we wait for our deserts, a cute blush covering Patrick's cheeks. 'Teresa I must admit that I have never been happier in my life as I am right now' he tells me. It sounds like a line from a cheesy movie, but spoken by Patrick it is full of meaning and love that makes my heart do back flips. Our deserts came and the waiter smiled at us. 'Bon appetite' Patrick said with a smile.

As we walk to Patrick's car, he stops me and turns to face me. 'Teresa?'

I nod 'Teresa may I…' he looks nervous but I know what he wants to say. I feel my heart pounding as we close the small gap between us, our lips connect for a moment of sweet pleasure. It was a small kiss on the lips but that didn't make it any less magical. I could feel his heart and soul being poured into the kiss, the faint taste of strawberry from the cheesecake he had eaten merely minutes earlier. We break apart and I study his eyes, eyes sparkling and pupils dilated under his newly acquired glasses. His cheeks had a faint pink tinge to them and his smile was the brightest and most beautiful I have ever seen. Our hands connected and our hearts and minds thought the same thing.

Wow.

Yeah so that was chapter 9. Hope you liked it, please let me know!

Em-J


	10. Chapter 10

Hi everyone. This is the longest ever fan fiction story I have written and I still haven't finished yet! This chapter was one of the hardest to write and it took me a lot of rewrites. I hope it is ok. As ever, thank you for taking the time to stick with my story and follow Patrick's journey through Teresa's eyes.

Em-J

Disclaimer: see first chapter

Dedications: see first chapter

8 months- flowers.

'Boss?'

I look up from my desk to see Grace carrying a huge bunch of flowers.

'these were sent to you'. she places the gorgeous bouquet on my desk and I struggle to stop myself from smiling. 'you have a secret admirer!' she gushes. I shrug' I guess so' I tell her, looking out of the door I can see a gorgeous head of blonde curls dash across the bullpen. I get up and smell the flowers, the fragrance is gorgeous and it has already begun to fill the room. Grace carefully dislodges a card from the mass of stems and reads it 'Teresa. You have no idea how much you mean to me xx' she reads 'Awww, that's so sweet!'

'What's so sweet?' My heart skips a beat as Patrick, my BOYFRIEND Patrick, enters my office with a cup of tea for himself and a up of coffee for me. 'Lisbon has been given flowers' Grace tells him. Patrick smiles at me 'Wow, whoever sent them to you must think highly of you. That you're the most important person in his life. That the last three weeks and 5 days have been full of love and joy and perfection' My smile spreads wider at his heartfelt words. Grace looks between us before a wide smile covers her face. 'Oh my god it's..' she gestures to Patrick and squeals, Patrick smiles and puts his arms around my shoulders. 'I knew this would happen, I just knew it! I just knew it! I told them you would be perfect for each other. You make each other so happy and it's just…' she trails off. 'Congratulations you two. It's really nice to see you both happy. It truly is!'. She smiles and envelops us into a hug 'Thanks Grace', I tell her, as she grins like a Cheshire cat and goes through to the bull pen.

' Patrick I think the past three weeks and 5 days have been amazing as well I'm so happy right now' I tell him, earning myself an adorable Patrick smile, his gorgeous blue/green eyes full of love. 'I'm glad you feel that way Teresa' he tells me, before looking out into the bullpen, where the rest of our team are deep in conversation.' 'Well one down, two to go I guess' I say with a smile. 'No need to tell Kimball and Wayne, Grace will break the happy news!'. Patrick smiles at me. I admire the flowers on my desk, Patrick really does know what I like, one of the many amazing things about him that I love so much. 'Teresa I have some news about the house'. Ah yes, Patrick's old house. The one he shared with Angela and Charlotte. The house where Red John ruined his life. Patrick put the house up for sale the day after he said goodbye to Angela and Charlotte. I was there when he did it. I held his hand the whole time we were at the estate agents and afterwards, we held each other tight for what seemed like forever. We had put the house in the back of our minds. Let the estate agents deal with the potential buyers. Patrick hadn't properly lived in it for years and now he has his flat near me, selling the house would be leaving his old life behind for good.

'A couple brought it.' 'Already?!' I say, surprised. 'They liked the area. They're going to knock it down and build from scratch' Patrick explains. My eyes widen 'knock it down?!'. He shrugs. 'Maybe it's for the best. Start fresh right? The bad memories locked up inside it should be destroyed for good.' I nod and wrap my arms around him. I feel his head rest on my shoulders and his hands wrap around my waist. 'I don't want to think of the house anymore' I rub the back of his head, twisting silky soft curls around my fingers. He sighs and rubs my back 'Thank you for the flowers' I tell him. Patrick looks me in the eye and gives me a sparkling smile. 'You're welcome Teresa'. We share a perfect kiss as out of the corner of my eye, Cho and Rigsby exchange payments.

Ok so, that's chapter 10 over. I apologise if it isn't as good as the others. I promise to make the next chapter better! I might even get uploaded by my birthday!( 21st). Please let me know what you think and thank you for taking the time to read

Em-J


	11. Chapter 11

Hi everyone!

Ok so, this is chapter 11. I apologise for chapter 10, it wasn't the greatest thing in the world! I hope this chapter is a lot better, please let me know and thanks so much for all your favourites/follows and reviews, you guys are the greatest!

Em-J

Disclaimer: see first chapter

Dedications: All you amazing people who read/review/like and follow my stories. Oh and anyone who's birthday is on November 21st as we share the same birthday!

10 months- Happy birthday. 

I'm not sure what has woken me up, but I am glad.

Patrick and I moved in together a month ago. We moved everything out of my flat and into his. The team came around for a little house warming party along with my brother and Annie, both of whom seem to approve of Patrick dating their sister/aunty. It feels right living together. I know Patrick lived with me the first few weeks after Red John's death, but this is different. We are living together as boyfriend and girlfriend. We go on dates to the movies and to our favourite restaurant as a couple, not just two best friends. We are sharing a bed, wrapped in each other's warmth and love. The nightmares are no longer a problem. For either of us.

Watching Patrick sleep, truly sleep, is an indulgent of mine. His arm is wrapped around me, making me feel so safe and warm. I love watching him bury his face into the pillow and sighing softly as I gently kiss his cheek. Patrick's gorgeous curls are a mess on top of his head, practically screaming 'tousle me!'. I love how he smiles in his sleep when I stroke his hair, wrapping a stray curl around my finger and feeling it's silky texture. On the bedside table lie his glasses along with our phones and a picture of us together, a random photo Grace took on her phone and framed for us as my 'officially moving in' present. In moments like this, I feel so lucky. So privileged to be seeing the once broken man so happy and content. So relaxed and at peace with the world.

Patrick is my boyfriend, but he is more than that. We are much more than girlfriend and boyfriend. We are Patrick and Teresa. Two survivors of a horrible past. Two winners, stronger as a pair. We have fought through whatever tough times that life has thrown at us, both separately and together against Red John. He is my best friend and I am his. He's the one person I feel truly safe and happy with and I know the feeling is mutual. This is a million miles from what could have been. A heartbroken man on a downward spiral, ending up either in prison for murder or paying with his life for his refusal to back down from revenge. I don't want to imagine what could of happened to us. I don't want to imagine a situation that doesn't have us this happy. Free from worry and heartache. Free from Red John.

He shifts slightly in his sleep and starts tracing circles on my side, a small content smile spreads across his face, mine too. It makes my heart fill with happiness. Patrick always tells me how safe he feels sleeping next to me. How my presence keeps the nightmares away. How he feels relaxed knowing the person he loves most in the world is safely lying next to him. I feel the same way. I love the feeling of Patrick's arms wrapped around me. I love knowing that he is safe and happy. I especially love waking up to a mess of curls and an adorable sleepy smile.

As I watch the sunrise bleeding through a space in the blinds, I feel him shift against me. He sighs and his eyes slowly begin to open, blue/green eyes finding mine and a happy smile spreading across his face. We share a sweet morning kiss. 'Good morning Teresa' he mumbles and softly strokes my cheek. I smile at his sleepy voice and gently ruffle his messy curls.

'Good morning Patrick. Happy birthday'.

So, I hope this chapter is better than the last one. Please let me know and thank you for reading!

Em-J


	12. Chapter 12

I'm another year older!

Anyway…

So here it is, the anniversary chapter! Thank you so much for reading my story and sticking with it! I've said this about a billion times already but you guys are great!.

Em-J

Disclaimer: see first chapter

Dedications: see first chapter.

12 months:

I love him. He loves me. To be honest, that is all we need right now. Each other's love for one another.

It has been a year since Red John killed himself. A year since Patrick began the journey to start again. A journey to put the past behind him and get on with his life. Have the life he truly deserved after so much pain and heartache. I have been there every step of the way, from best friend to lover. Every sleepless night, I was there. Every tear shed, I was there. I was there when he truly smiled. His first post Red John genuine smile and that smile was for me and me only. I was there when he finally said goodbye to his old life. I have been there for him every step of the way and will continue to do so for as long as I live.

This morning I woke up to tears. Patrick was crying. Silent tears were running down his beautiful face. My hands went straight to his hair, massaging his scalp and shushing him. He gripped me tight and buried his head into my shoulder as I calmed him down. 'this is real right?' he asked. I nodded and rubbed his back. 'It's very real Patrick, believe me'. I felt him smile and he hugged me tighter. 'I love you so much Teresa' I kissed his temple' I love you too Patrick'. We laid there for a while, wrapped in each other's warmth and comfort. A reminder that we are still here. A reminder that Patrick and I won.

We went to work. Patrick needed to be in a familiar environment. He needed to carry on with life as normal despite the significance of the day. Wayne and Kimball had nodded their heads to us and patted Patrick on the shoulder. Everyone on the team has been affected by Red John's death in their own different ways and everyone of us had come out strong. This little team of ours is a winning one. Grace, sweet loving Grace. She had pulled us both into a hug, her eyes red with tears. Her time with Craig was still fresh in her mind yet the strength she has in her self, in her heart and soul, it helps her to move on with her life. It has made her a better person. She gives us a smile and hands us a cookie each. She had picked some up on the way to work, possibly to help with the situation, I'm not sure.

There was no case today. Just some mind numbing paper work but for once we weren't complaining. I had sat on the sofa in my office, paper work in hand as Patrick slept, his head resting on my lap. I remember playing with his hair as I filed away. The gesture soothed both of us. At lunch I lightly shook him awake and we went to dinner as a team. We talked about random things, the topics ranging from Kimball and Summer's movie night disaster to how many plates of food Wayne could possibly eat in under 5 minutes. Anything but Red John. He has not to be discussed. We have won, end of story. There is nothing more to say on the subject. The man, I don't even want to call him that, is dead and gone and we are here. All of us. The whole team. We have been through so much these last few years, but the important thing is that we are all here. Patrick is still here. By my side.

After work we part ways. Wayne goes home to his wife and son, probably holding them tight. When Sarah asked if he is ok, I hope he smiled and says yes. Grace had mentioned catching up on an old friend. She had that look in her eyes that suggested it was someone she liked that little bit more than just a friend. She had embraced Patrick and I before whispering 'I'm so happy for you' and leaving. Kimball went home to Summer. I am so happy they have come to an understanding about their feelings. Kimball is a good man and Summer is a lucky woman to have someone who obviously cares about her. Patrick waited patiently on the sofa as I gathered up my things. I sat beside him and we just held hands. Nothing else, just holding hands. Glad to be together after everything. After a while, I rested my head on his shoulder and he held me tight. Two people lost in our own thoughts. Hopeful thoughts about the future.

Patrick and I are at our home. Our newly purchased home. Boxes are still littering the spare room but there is time to unpack properly. I am holding Patrick tight in a loving embrace. Kissing him on his temple and shushing him as he cries. He has been so brave today. So strong. I can't put into words how proud I am of him. 'I'm sorry Teresa, I just..' I shush him once more. 'I know Patrick, I know honey' He nods and sniffs as a fresh set of tears emerge from those gorgeous eyes. 'I just can't believe we're here together. I love you so much Teresa. You saved me. I love you so much' He sobs. I feel tears running down my cheeks. 'I love you too Patrick, and I will always be here. I promise'.

A year ago today, the worst chapter of Patrick Jane's life came to an end. The pain and anger and heartache have been locked away in a small room in his memory palace. The doors and windows have been bordered shut,. The lock is on tight and the key has been destroyed. On the same day, a new door was opened, the room is big and spacious, ready to be crammed full with wonderful memories and experiences.

I will be there to help him fill every available space.

So there it is! Chapter 12! Please tell me what you think and whether I should do an epilogue. If you don't think I should and this does turn out to be the last chapter then can I just say a big thank you for reading, reviewing, liking etc and I hope you enjoyed my story! J

Em-J


	13. epilogue

Hi everyone

It's the epilogue!

I hadn't realised I had reviews to the last chapter(thank you!) so apologies that it is later than it should have been. Thank you so much for all your wonderful reviews throughout this story, it has been a lot of fun to write and I couldn't of done it without you guys! thank you so much and I really hope this epilogue finishes the story of nicely.

Em-J

Disclaimer: nope, don't own it!

Dedicated to everyone who has ever read my stories, has ever reviewed or liked or followed or anything else you can do to a story, I am really grateful J

Epilogue- 6 years later.

From the day Red John killed himself, I have observed Patrick. Even after all these years, I continue to do so. However I have another beautiful person in my life to observe.

Neither of our lives have been a fairy tale. Our childhoods where full of heartache and disappointment. Mothers who left out lives too early. Fathers who treated us like dirt. We were forced to grow up quickly and take roles we didn't want. I became a carer to my brothers at such a young age. Patrick became a con man, a puppet in his father's control, taking money from the innocent. Two people who had so much to battle through before they truly found their happiness.

There is no such thing as a fairy tale ending. They are for books and soppy movies or the end of a TV series. However, I believe Patrick and I have found the real life equivalent. The happy ending we never thought would happen. As I said before, I have a new beautiful person in my life. A happy and healthy little boy. The spitting image of his father, my husband of almost 5 years. The man I plan to spend the rest of my life with. We are a family. A small one but a happy one. I have never felt so loved as I do when I am with my two beautiful boys.

Our relationship continued to get stronger and stronger after the anniversary. We didn't want to spend a second away from each other. I wanted to hold him forever, feel the sweet kisses on my lips and see the love in his eyes. In the beginning I didn't think I could have children, but we didn't mind. We were alive. We had each other. We had won. The prize was each other's complete devotion for one another. Three years ago we were blessed with our son. I didn't think we could be more happy but our little bundle of joy proved us wrong.

Our wedding was small but none the less perfect. Grace was my maid of honour, Kimball was Patrick's best man. Virgil game me away. Patrick had even asked his permission for my hand in marriage. I know some people say that marriage is a piece of paper, but I don't care. Even if we weren't married, Patrick and I would still be inseparable. I remember walking down the aisle and seeing his face. Pure happiness. Pure devotion. I couldn't stop smiling. I replay that day over and over in my head every night before I go to sleep, wrapped in the arms of the once broken man I love.

We are all winners. We are all survivors. None of us are perfect but we have each other, as well as other people we love and cherish. Kimball has summer and their soon to be little girl. Wayne has Sarah and Ben and his little sister Kate. Grace finally has her prince charming. A wonderful man who thinks the world of her. No sign of an addition to the family yet, but I know they desperately want a little bundle of joy. Their wedding will be soon. I imagine Grace will look beautiful. A princess awaiting her prince.

I have Patrick and Patrick has me. Together we have Oliver. He is a beautiful little boy with daddy's gorgeous blonde curls and my green eyes. His smile could melt even the blackest of hearts. He is oblivious to our pasts and what it took for his daddy to found happiness once again. One day we may tell him. Maybe. He has the right to know I guess, but the Red John door won't be open unless absolutely necessarily.

Patrick is a wonderful father, I knew he would be as soon as we found out I was expecting. 'I'm so happy Teresa, you have already made me the happiest man in the world without this wonderful news. I can't believe we are here together, our little family Teresa, me you and mini us!' he had tenderly placed his hand over my belly and patted it affectionately. 'Only 9 months Patrick' I had told him' 9 months till out little family is complete'. He smiled at me, eyes full of happy tears. 'I love you so much Teresa, I'm so glad we won. I'm so glad we have each other '. I smiled back, my own eyes filling with tears. 'Me too Patrick. I never want to be without you'.

I love to observe Patrick with Oliver. Matching golden curls and dazzling smiles. My two boys. The people I cherish the most in the world. Olly is just as observant as Patrick, despite his young age. A quick learner with an interest in everything. He adores his Uncle Cho, Rigsby and Aunty Grace, as well as his blood relatives, my brothers who adore him just as much as Patrick and I. When we all get together he loves to play with Ben and Kate, whilst Annie fusses over his hair. Olly is a daddy's boy, copying everything Patrick does whilst Patrick ruffles his hair affectionately and gives him a look of pure love and happiness. Oliver loves his mummy too, especially our special cuddles but nobody tells bedtime stories as well as daddy. Observing my boys fills me with so much pride and joy. Red John seems so long ago, almost as though it never happened but it did. His death made us all stronger. It kick started Patrick's path to moving on. It brought us to this moment right now. A father and son enjoying each other's company. Building houses with plastic bricks.

'Teresa?' Patrick's soft voice pulls me from my thoughts. I looked down at my two boys playing on the carpet, building blocks scattered around them. 'We're playing mummy! 'Olly says, flashing an adorable smile. Patrick holds his hand out to me and I gladly sit beside him. ' we're building a house' Olly informs me. 'Will you help us?' I nod and ruffle his hair' of course baby'. I smile at him and watch as Patrick helps him pick out which blocks to use.

I love my family. OUR family. Patrick is the love of my life. The father of my child. I love to observe his carefree nature. I love to observe how happy he is around the team, his new family. Most of all, I love to observe him when we're alone. My beautiful, wonderful, inspiring husband, Patrick Jane. I love to observe his smile. I love to observe how expressive his gorgeous eyes are. I love to observe his hair in the morning and the little looks of pure affection he gives me when we catch each other's eye. I love observing his devotion to our son and how protective of us he is. There are some days I still can't believe we are here. That Patrick is here with me. I know in my heart we will be together forever, creating memories to cherish forever. Red John is dead and we are still here, together. Two of us started the post Red John journey and now we are three. Me, Patrick and our gorgeous little Oliver.

I can't wait for more beautiful moments to observe.

So there it is, the epilogue to the longest story I have ever written. I hope you all like it and again I would like to point out how amazing you all are and how grateful I am that you took the time to read my story. Thank you so much!

EM-J


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